Modern Day Snake Oil

NO SLIP. NO BOUNCE. NO BLUE LIGHT. ALL FUN.

1 BLUE MIRAGE TECHNOLOGY

Our blue light blocking lenses definitely block blue light. The jury is out on whether blue light actually hurts our eyes or not, but who cares? You look important in these, so go ahead and block those nasty blue light rays.

2 NO SLIP

We use a special grip coating to construct our frame to help eliminate slippage when sweating through that super combo.

3 NO BOUNCE

Our frame is snug and light-weight, with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while you celebrate destroying your friends in battle.

4 FULL ARMOR

UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays.

5 NO SPOILED EASTER EGGS

No one wearing goodrs with Blue Mirage Technology has ever left a dyed egg out past it’s expiration date. They have, however, ruined many in-game surprises for people.

IS THERE A CURE-ALL ELIXIR IN THESE LENSES? NO.

The question isn’t whether or not these venomous black frames and clear lensed beauties block blue light. They do. The question is whether or not they stop headaches, help you lose weight, grant healing powers, cancel your student loan debt, and make everyone you meet fall deeply in love with you. Guess you'll have to try them to find out. Can you afford not to?!?!?!?!